Is it just me? Or is it way harder to make friends as an adult than it was as a kid? I only have a few really close friends who aren't family. It's not that I'm anti-social, either. I'm quite friendly. But it just seems so much more frickin' complicated when you're an adult. I've been burned several times in the last few years by people I thought were good friends. I feel like I should learn something from that, like I'm picking the wrong people, missing warning signals--maybe I have a sign on my back that says "trip me"? But then every time I meet someone I like, I can't help but get all excited and hopeful again. I'm optimistic, I dream up stuff we can do together, look forward to all the things we can talk about and share. It's not that I want to be more pessimistic about it, I rather like being an optimist...it's just hard to feel both really excited and also really vulnerable at the same time. Maybe this is the way it was when I was a kid and I'm just not remembering that.
I'm all excited about someone right now. It's a good feeling, it's really almost a physical high. I want to enjoy it, I don't want to worry about what may come. But remember when you were a kid and you made a new friend and then you basically spent 18 hours a day together? And your parents were like "Honey, you shouldn't spend all your time with W., you need to do something else," (W. being your new best friend) and you were like "What the hell is wrong with you people? Why in God's name would I want to tear myself away from this fantastic experience? No, I need to spend as much time as physically possible with W., life is short and you want me to go do something mediocre when I could be with W. and enjoy the hell out of every minute so I'm happily exhausted at the end of the day?" Okay, maybe you didn't say that when you were 11, but if you could have articulated it, you would have.
But here I am now in my thirties and I'm all adult-y, with responsibilities and demands on my time. Not that those are bad things, I like them. It's just that I'm not free (and neither is W.) to drop everything and do the all-friend-all-the-time channel. I guess that might be a good thing...I don't know though, I do miss the freedom to do that. Jeez, this is getting back to my very first blog post, about that idea from Stephen King in Stand By Me, that thing about never having friends again like the friends you had when you were twelve. Maybe this is an April thing, it was April last year I wrote about that. Spring, new beginnings, new friends, it sounds so cheesy.
Old longings. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out some of the ways people interact with each other instead of being friends as adults, because I don't get it. I mean, you have colleagues, and I guess you aren't friends with all of them, some are like the kids in your class at school you didn't talk to much but didn't necessarily dislike. Then there's the whole networking thing, which I hate. That whole concept bugs me, and I have been used by others solely for networking, as a stepping stone to get over to someone else, and I don't like it. I'm really babbling here. But it bugs me. I've had people seem to be my friend just so they can get some work out of me for free and then they disappear as soon as they got what they wanted (the Writer's Union for one), and that feels really icky. It just seems like there's all these other relationships that aren't friendship when you're an adult, and I'm not even talking about sexual relationships. For example, I saw this story on TV the other day about "cuddle parties" that totally threw me for a loop. It's for people who don't know each other to get physical affection from each other without it being sexualized. Um, yeah. Rule #7 is "no dry humping" and sexual activity is not allowed. Um, well, okay, I like the idea of physical affection, but with a bunch of strangers? And cuddling? I don't know, it just sounds so whacked that we would have to set up such an artificial construct to satisfy a desire for physical contact...of course, I'm talking from Minnesota, and I can't see that happening here, it's mostly in California and New York right now.
Holy crackers. I just Googled cuddle party and there's a cuddle facilitator training in Minneapolis in May! I am so freaked out.
I think I need some sleep now.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Today I got to babysit for my best friend, and I had a heavenly time with little 3-month-old K. He was a bit fussy and was getting tired of just walking around, so I put him in his swing and started singing to him, and he was absolutely transfixed. I sang "You Are My Sunshine" and he laughed and smiled and was opening his mouth and looked like he was trying to imitate the shape of my mouth while I was singing. It was so amazingly cute. I mean, I know this is what babies do, but when the baby is looking at you with those big eyes like you are the whole world, it's quite humbling.
Monday, April 24, 2006
I had to go to the dentist this morning. God I hate going to the dentist. Probably something to do with trauma from that frackin' orthodontist I had as a child who was always accidentally fondling my breasts when he was working on me. He's probably dead now, which is some comfort. And I hope he's burning on a little hellspit. Anyway, I have a really nice dentist now, but it still nerves me. I feel like Alice in Dilbert...must control...fist...of...death. I want to grab the hygeinist and throw her across the room when she--well, when she does just about anything. She sticks the pointy thing in all my gums. She scrapes metal across my teeth and wipes the crap she finds on my teeth onto my bib. She turns on that whirry thing that isn't a drill but it doesn't matter because it sounds like a frackin' drill and it vibrates against my teeth. Anything that makes your teeth vibrate is, well, unsettling to say the least. And I hate the way my teeth feel after they've been detailed like an expensive car. Gawd I hate it. I can't imagine working there. I can't imagine a job more unpleasant than dental hygeinist. Even working as a receptionist in a dentist's office would make me come unglued. That sound! That evil drill sound! Oh, the humanity!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
It's finally really Spring, not just no longer Winter. Yesterday the sweet aroma of apple blossoms wafted towards me from across the street while I was walking Cocoa, and I had to go over and suck in that smell and smoosh up some blossoms in my fingers. Yum. Which made me think about why it's no fun to walk around downtown Minneapolis. There's the criminal factor and homies living loud like there's no one else around, but the thing I hate the most is the smell. It smells like poo! I don't know if it's the sewage system or what, but p.u. They can put up all the fancy condos they want, but it still smells like poo. And yet I've never seen that as a factor in discussions of problems with bringing people back into downtown. Hmmm.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Can you say shaggy? I so need a haircut. J. took this picture of me yesterday for our Tour de Cure web pages. I will be riding about 30 miles to raise money for diabetes. Want to sponsor me? You know you do. Things are getting green here, finally, and it's nice to walk outside again without gloves and steel spikes on my feet. It's such a relief that winter is over. A very nice mailman gave Cocoa a cookie on our walk today, and it was a mailman-shaped cookie! I thought that was pretty funny. She liked it.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Sometimes I can tolerate the smell of coffee, but it's almost the worst breath on Earth. Hence my layout for this coffee-themed deco with the pop-up nasty breath cloud, the dead person, and the mints. The list of "worst breath" has 1.vomit, 2.coffee, 3.sardines.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Outsiders and Others Gallery is now having a bird art exhibit. I didn't have time to look at it today when I dropped off my donations but I hope to go back while it's still up. This is a really fun gallery, they had an exhibit last year with all children's art called Child's Play that we got to see. They have an archive of it up still if you wanna see.
This is a piece I just whipped up to donate to Outsiders and Others Art Gallery Art Binge, which is an auction to raise money for the gallery. I love this gallery and I thought it would be a good way to get more of my art out there. They helped me price it at $125, which is pretty exciting. I'll be going to the auction on April 22nd, should be fun. The people at the gallery who were there when I went in really liked the piece a lot.
So here's how it works: Each number is associated with some pop culture reference. The words stamped next to the numbers are associated with that reference. For instance, 42 is from Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the words are "Don't Panic," which is from the guide. The bunny tag is actually removable (each one is in a plastic slip case cut from an ATC holder) and has a further "Lucky Bunny clue" on the back. For 42 it's "42 is the answer to the universe." And so on. And then I made up a fortune, like from a fortune cookie (only in this case they're coming out of bottle caps). For 42 the fortune is "You rely too much on authority. Ask someone else." Here are the others, see if you can guess the pop culture reference:
320, Hot Dog! Lucky Bunny Clue: 320 Sycamore "...drafty old house..." Fortune: Stay close to home, there is something here for you, right under your nose.
140 40, I know this! LB clue: 104 40 is NOT the longitude and latitude of Devil's Tower (and neither is 140 40) Fortune: Trust your intuition, even when it's way out there.
13, Bauds of Euphony. LB clue: 13...W. Stevens...blackbirds. Fortune: See something ordinary in a new way.
1701, To Boldly Go. LB clue: 1701...fascinating. Fortune: Try somewhere new. Be friendly.
9906753, Top Men. LB clue: 9906753 is the number on a crate.
I also used driftwood from my Seattle vacation for accents in each section, twisting wire with beads gathered in numbers matching the digits in that section. This was really fun to make.