Sanitary Pads Upgrade?

Warning: this is another woman-centered entry, so if you are squeamish about menstrual periods, READ NO FURTHER.

So my sister sent me this rant she had passed on to her from a woman who's pissed off at Kotex for printing "Tips for Life" on the peel-off strip on their pantiliners. Evidently they say helpful things like "Staying active during your period can relieve cramps" and "Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh." Yeah, shut it, Kotex. You aren't my doctor. It is pretty bossy, you gotta admit. Like the recent helpful list of money-saving tips Northwest handed out to their screwed-over employees, with tips like "Don't be shy about pulling something you like out of the trash."

See, the problem is, Kotex and Northwest are not in a position of trust for the things they are trying to offer advice on. In fact, they have a vested interest in our behavior, therefore, they need to shut it. And I now have to add Always to the list, because right before I got this email from my sister about Kotex, I noticed that Always also has messages on their peel-off strips...not as bossy as Kotex, but still weird. The message is "Have a Happy Period," and also in French because I live near Canada, "Bonne et heureuse semaine." This is a handy phrase that should be in any traveler's notes--French phrases for everyday use...yeah, not so much. The thing is, what the frack is a "happy" period? It's like saying "Have a good time in surgery." Um, no. A happy time is not really the goal of surgery. Or a period. It's a necessary evil. Period. Pun intended.