Not a good week

Ok, so I need to vent.  Right now I have a yeast infection and my period.  A constant headache that I always get when I have my period.  A mood swing like I've not had in months, even when Dad died.  Right now I'm crying because I really miss him and because of my damn frackin' hormones.  I'm rattled and frazzled and this is the first time since I got off the narcotics in June that I've wanted to be a zombie again on them. 

My life is soooo much better off the narcotics, and I'm having less frequent and less painful headaches, blah blah blah, but right now I'm so crabby and feel so crappy that I woudln't mind being a zombie again on those damn pills.

I hate that feeling. 

And today's my anniversary and I forgot.  And he didn't.  A card was waiting by my bedside when I got up.  How could I forget that?  What a heel I am. 

Am I abnormal to be looking forward to menopause?  These hormones are nothing but trouble, I swear.  And I don't want any more babies anyway, because I now have the perfect child.  And I was a bad mother today because when she got to school she was cold, so I obviously didn't dress her warmly enough.

As far as art goes, right now it's ppllllbbbbtttt!!  No go, Houston, we are no go.  I got nothin'.  Since Dad died, I just haven't felt like it.  I owe a mini zine for a swap on Swap-bot and I'm a month late now, at least.

I have felt like doing crafting, sewing, tho.  I'm almost done with a quilt I'm making for a friend who's had a bitch of a time with a custody battle in an ugly divorce.  She just got her house and her kid back, and the psycho bastard that was her husband took all the blankets, among other things (all the silverware?!  Who does that?).  So this is a sort of housewarming and heartwarming gift.  And it's been very rewarding and healing for me to work on. 

I started working on a new afghan after Dad died, and I'll probably go back to that soon, although now it's time to start making Christmas presents.  Which does make me happy to think about.  It's just this week, I have to get through it and I'll be much better. 

Here's my crochet squares that I did while at my Mom's after Dad died.  Aren't they happy?  If you have a favorite crochet squares book, tell me, because I can't get enough of them.

Well, I guess that's it for now.  I have a bodymind wellness group that I go to tonight, Thank God. 



A Week Away

It's getting better.  And harder.  I'm with my Mom now and will be here another week and a half or so.  It's so good to be here with her, and be able to go in and out of talking about missing him.  We talk, and it makes it more real and it's a little easier to accept.  But it's still hard to believe. 

He's been gone a week now, and I can't really pretend he's out the store anymore.  I mean, that's what it felt like at first, like, "Where's Dad?" and the answer could be, "Oh, he's out in the garage," or "Oh, he's out at the store and will be back in a couple hours."  It's getting harder for my unconscious to pretend that.

Not enough people have sent flowers, and that pisses us off.  When I say us, I mean me and my younger sister.  Dad was beloved by a lot of people, in the family and in this community.  Some of them have stopped by and been very sweet, and I guess I have to focus on that. 

One man I called started crying on the phone when I told him.  It broke my heart, but it also warmed my heart to hear how much Dad had meant to this friend.

I guess I'm not in shock anymore, and it's starting to sink in that he's not coming back.  I'm glad he's not in pain anymore. 

Thanks to the peeps who left me comforting comments, I reallly appreciate it.  People react weirdly to death.  Someone who I thought I was close to didn't even call, but sent an impersonal card, which really hurt.  But other people know just what you need and are very thoughtful, and I'm grateful for those people. 

My Dad Died Today

I can't even fathom it.  He wasn't in great health, but this was sudden.  He'd been admitted to the hospital yesterday and then last night he had some kind of heart attack that got him airlifted from Port Angeles, WA to Seattle.  He had an irregular heartbeat on arrival.  They performed CPR for 45 minutes and couldn't revive him.

And I'm 2000 miles away.  I want to hug my Mom.  I just can't fathom it.

Another Postcrossing Postcard

I like it.  So did the recipient. I think it might have even gotten favorited.  Now there's a word I don't mind seeing transformed from a noun into a verb--favorite.  But "friended" annoys me, and "unfriended" is just so brutal.

New Zines!

Yes, I have TWO new zines!  Firstly, there's my new migraine zine, a long time coming. 

I've been working on it off and on for about 8 months.  It's all about my fun having migraines!  (I got the cover picture from an old kids' chemistry book) Whee!  Actually, it sucks having migraines, and I was trying to do something constructive in creating this zine.  It's more entertaining than you would expect, really!  Several friends who get migraines have told me they really liked it.  You can read more about it and buy it through  my Etsy shop, or if you have a zine you'd like to trade, email me directly.

My other zine is a mini-zine that I just created in the last couple of weeks for a Swap-bot swap.  I thought it turned out great, so I'm making more and selling it. Here's a picture of it in process:

This was my work area Easter night, after everyone else had gone to bed.  You can see the collage I started with, and my mock-up next to it.  And all my fun supplies.  No PEZ was used in the making of this zine, sorry. My daughter just happened to leave those there when she went to bed (she got a bunny PEZ in her Easter basket, and then she went and found the Santa PEZ from Christmas so they could be friends).

This is my first mini-zine.  I have been meaning to try one for a long time, and then I got a sheet with instructions on how to make a one-sheet zine as part of a trade at Artfest, and I immediately started fiddling with paper to see how it worked.

  Then I did a collage for background before I ever knew what I was going to put in the zine.  Then I was looking for something else, and flipping through photo albums from our vacations...and saw some funny pics of me with roadside attractions and cartoon characters at amusement parks, and an idea formed! 

 I also happened across a poem I had published, and decided I'd include a couple of my favorite short poems. And viola!

The finished minis.

Here's a peek at the inside, and you can see I packed a lot in there.  You can see more and buy it in my Etsy shop, or think of something handmade you'd like to trade, like another mini-zine or a chunky ATC or something.  I love trades!

What I Made Today

I made this postcard for my latest Postcrossing recipient.  It's collage, stamping, and doodling.

Here's the back.  I really had fun with the doodles.  I stated Traci Bautista's online class Creative Doodles last night, and my doodles were very much like this in my first lesson. 

Laurie Mika's Clay Quilt Class

First of all, I hate pasta makers and conditioning clay.  I'd only ever taken one other clay class and hated it, and I don't like most of what I see made with clay.  But I saw Mika's work and was intrigued.  The class was fabulous! No pasta makers! We just used rolling pins and lots of rubber stamps.  It was great.  I'm a convert.

I did not do mine like a quilt, mine was more like houses.  I like architecture, and I added some little gears for fun.  I was really pleased with the results I got.  I definitely want to play with this stuff more.

Here's what my clay looked like before painting:

And here's what it looked like painted and baked:

I might have added too much paint, but I don't care.  It was my first try painting clay.  I love it.

Here's one someone else did that really appealed to me, as I love bingo numbers and numbers in general.  Most of the other people did jewel tones and I don't like those colors--turqoise with orange and purple.  Bleah.

Here's some of Mika's work that she had on display:

I LOVE this one.  I think that's a tooth!  I have some teeth I got from a shop that I could do something like this with, and I also have some tiny shells that would be fun to use for a little window thingie like this.  I love how she gets her color on the clay so uneven and variegated.  The black and gold look great together.

Iron Chef part 3

So here's some of Jesse Reno's work on Iron Chef:  Oh, and he didn't use anything in the bag.  He just did his painting thing, then after he was done he arranged Barbie and a couple other things around the edge of the painting.  Kind of cheating.  But who cares, right?  Because he's just so fascinating to watch as he paints.  I want to take his class next year.

Here's another few that I liked:

I love how her headgear looks like one of those old-timey hair dryers.

I like the color scheme combined with the creepiness.  Creepiness doesn't have to be dark--it can be bright and happy!

I don't know what all she used from the bag--I think just the box and the blue ring.  Mostly I love the big architectural stamp in white.  The photos are interesting, too.  It does seem to tell some kind of story.  That was the problem with a lot of the pieces made--they weren't cohesive, just busy.  But, hey, it's 45 minutes!

I like the colored wings here.