I can't believe I've never watched the 2004 Dawn of the Dead before. I mean, I love this kind of crap! The opening credits alone are f-in brilliant. Oh, yeah, and I love Johnny Cash, so hearing him singing about the apocalypse ("The Man Comes Around") while the zombies wreak havoc is perfect.
I'm watching it now, after midnite, because a. toddler is now asleep in bed so it won't scare her, and b. I have a headache and can't sleep. So follow along with me, won't you?
So, yeah, they've just arrived in the mall. After they broke in by throwing a toilet through the window. I love it! A toilet, like their lives are now in one, b/c there's freakin' zombies everywhere. In Milwaukee. I love that it's set in a real town. That makes it more funny somehow, whereas having it set in a nameless town or in Metropolis (same thing) makes it more serious and allegorical. No, this is in the cheese state.
So now White Fella goes into the sports store, and he's got a crowbar (huh? in a sports store?) and he hears a noise. He looks around. For something better than a crowbar? There, he spies a wooden croquet mallet. Is he actually--OMG, yes! he's actually going to put down the crowbar and pick up the croquet mallet instead! Doesn't he know this isn't a vampire movie? Wood is not better than steel. Oh boy, he's really making white folk look stoopid. Oh, wait...now he's going to open that door, too, the one with zombie noises behind it. Good idea! Hey, look, it's a--yes, a zombie, and it's attacking him! Oh, oh, ew! Well, gotta give it to him, he made do with the mallet.