Friday, November 18, 2005

A Bit Rough and The Stoopid

Today I did something really stoopid that I so wish I could undo but there it is. I was backing out of the garage, thinking about the job interview I was going to and being a bit nervous, and there was a terrible crunching sound...I took the driver's side rear view mirror off the car with the side of the garage. Aw, crap. Nice way to start the day. Nice nice nice. Not like we have money right now to fix it, either. Last night we had a plumbing back-up and J. spent almost three hours working on that before it finally started working again enough to flush the toilet. He wasn't super sure it was all fixed, though, so I couldn't take a shower this morning, just had to do a sponge bath and wet my hair and refix it. Not the most confidence-inspiring events before a job interview. The interview itself went really well, so I'm hoping and praying I get hired. We need additonal income to pay down some debt, and I REALLY want this job, it's another library job. A bit far, 20 miles from home, but you take what you can get, and the pay is good and the people seem very nice. It's hard not to invest a lot of hope in getting this job. I try to be flexible about things happening and have faith things will work out, as they usually do, even if I can't see how sometimes...but I'm feeling rather nervous about money lately. I won't get to fly home for Christmas like I have been wanting to all year, and so I don't feel super cheery about Christmas like I usually do. We don't have money for gifts so I don't really know what we're going to do about that. I keep thinking we should draw names in our families so everyone is only buying for one person, I know some friends whose families do that and it seems so much less stressful. I just don't know how to introduce the topic and J. is not super keen on saying anything to his family, either, as far as I know. We'll be together for Christmas, our little family of me, J. and Cocoa, that's the important thing, right? It's hard to just focus on that sometimes. I hate being in debt. I mean, we've made lifestyle choices to make us happy, and part of that was me going to graduate school and then not working so I could write. And now I've gotten into making art as well, and that's all great. But it's reached a point that I need to work at least part-time to bring in some income. I'm still writing and doing art, and even have some teaching gigs lined up to teach ATC's this winter, but none of that is money-producing. It's a hard balance to find, to know how much debt you can live with. I mean, I have worked in big companies and made decent money but was rather miserable. Now I love my lifestyle but I'm in serious debt. So I'm doing something about it, I'm trying to find a part-time job and still pursue what makes me happy. It's just a pain that it's so hard to find a job. I feel for anyone looking for a job, it's a harsh roller-coaster to ride, pumping yourself up to come across confident in a job interview, then feeling crushed and useless when you aren't chosen to be hired. Feeling like you'd be perfect for the job and not getting it makes you wonder if you're just deluding yourself--but you want to have a positive attitude, right? Ack. I think I need a breather, I'll go eat lunch and play some Pogo. I have a very rich skill set when it comes to playing QWERTY on Pogo.

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